I am not sure which “feeling” to which you are referring when you say “the feeling is mutual”.

You didn’t like playing with them, they didn’t like playing with you.

however the age old idea of someone having to play a game a particular way to suit another person simply for the “good of the group” doesn’t hold any more water than a leaky bucket.

I agree completely.

While it may be true that some players simply enjoy the struggle to achieve against all odds, if that struggle comes at the expense of my enjoyment that is where the line in the sand is drawn.

But currently, your playstyle comes at the expense of their enjoyment as well. Both would be happier if the matchmaking system kept you separate.

It all boils down to the definition of fun. Fun to an achiever is not the same thing as fun is to a socializer. Or a killer. Or an explorer. Troubles arise when game mechanics force these people with wildly differing goals together. They’ll try to drag the group into the direction they want until the group breaks.

What games need are better matchmaking systems. While one could relatively easily build one based on performance (like Arena ratings), a better solution could be one based on reputation and social networking. After each group, everyone in it would grade everyone else. The grading could be as simple as a thumbs-up and thumbs-down, signifying whether you’d like to play with that player again or not. When the game tries to decide which player to include in your pick-up group, it’ll first check whether players who you’ve personally liked are available. Then the people they’ve liked and so on. With time, the game would get a general idea of the cliques that exist, and you’d never see an achiever in your pick-up group again.