Grilka: Hi there stalwart readers, my name is Grilka of House TOG, and this is my crew. Say hello boys.
Crew: (as one) Hello boys.
Grilka: (rolls her eyes) They might not be too much on smarts, but they are great to look at and when we win battles there is competition for who will be taken my prisoner.
(A banging is heard on the door to the bridge. The door opens with a woosh to reveal an angry mob of human males between the ages of 12 and 18)
Angry Mob: ARE YOU INSANE THIS HAS BEEN THE WORST WEEKEND EVER!
Grilka: Well the boys and I had fun.
Angry Mob: We didn’t get our liberated borg character on time!!!
Grilka: I did, and here I sit, a liberated borg klingon surrounded by my “liberators.” Isn’t that right boys.
Crew: We think it’s time to “liberate” our commander again.
Angry Mob: The servers kept going down all weekend!!!
Grilka: Thus forcing you to take the occasional break – how horrible
Angry Mob: We aren’t going to stand for this, we’re revolting!
Grilka: I’ll say you are…
Angry Mob: That’s not what we mean. We are going to take legal action; A CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT.
Grilka: and sue for the five dollars each you had to put down on the pre-order? It will cost you more than that for the gas money to get to the court house.
Angry Mob: WE PAID A LIFETIME FEE!
Grilka: You paid a lifetime fee? So you are all paid up for the rest of the game’s life, or yours, whichever comes first – so there isn’t much of a hurry is there.
Angry Mob: Well…
Grilka: And the game hasn’t really launched yet. It doesn’t lauch until February 2nd. You in the back there…the short one. Weren’t you the one complaining about how poorly the crew tracked? Didn’t they fix that? And label the maps like you asked, and fixed the crew so they beamed down with you all the time, and fixed the broken ground battle quests, and the fleet action?
Quiet female voice in the back of the crowd: Well yes…
Grilka: And what have you actually lost? What service that you paid for hasn’t been rendered?
Quiet female voice in the back of the crowd: I lost part of my weekend; I lost some time.
Grilka: You lost some time.
Angry Mob: WE ALL LOST TIME!
Grilka: Do you know the TIME it was when the average Cryptic employee was at home to do anything but eat and sleep?
(a brief but meaningful silence)
Grilka: Last Tuesday. And how many of you have actually launched a massively multplayer game.
(half the hands in the crowd go up)
Grilka: …of more than four people
(most of the rest of the hands go down)
Grilka: And a paper and pencil dungeons and dragon campaign doesn’t count
(the rest of the hands go down)
Grilka: So those of you that want to play the liberated borg character had to wait a few hours and got your character anyway. You got to play this weekend, but had to take a break now and then. At one point you were in a long que but then Cryptic let you all in anyway.
(only mumbling is heard)
Grilka: I thought so. Now let that nice woman in the back through…its time for the boys to “liberate the Borg Klingons” some more.