Welcome about the U.S.S. Grand Nagus Zek, Captain Moogie commanding.
As the brave crew of the Grand Nagus Zek realize, in the process of “boldly going where no one has gone before” there are other feet that may have trod the same sectors of space before us. With that in mind, we have re-invented the famous phrase to insist that we “are going where no Ferengi has gone before”. The way we see it is this, it may be that others have fought these same battles before us but it is the first time WE have experienced it for ourselves – it’s like experiencing a rerun of a holonovel. It may be that others have experienced the same holonovel, it may be a rerun, but it’s first for us and we just love new experiences.
Kirk did it first…
We were sent to investigate the rumors that Klingons were creating a dooms day device. Even if they did manage to create some sort of a planet killer, as a Ferengi, I just fail to understand it. After all where is the profit in that? First there is the loss of all those resources when you blow up a planet. And what about all that money it takes to build a planet killing weapon in the first place? Klingons will never understand…the Ferengi way would be to simply buy the planet.
Oh well…order are orders I guess. Upon investigating the system, we encountered heavy resistance from cloaked birds of prey and stationary phaser cannons. Here at last was a challenge we couldn’t buy our way out of – stationary phaser cannons. We may have an old workhorse of a ship, but its sturdy and up to the task. Before long we managed to beam down to the planet and make short work of the Klingons and their Hargh’Peng “super” Torpedoes.
A few Klingons escaped, taking some of their big torpedoes with them. Upon beam up our ever amazed, often irritating communications officer pointed out the obvious…the famed Dooms Day Machine was just ahead off our port bow.
Now it had occurred to us that the high and mighty Star Fleet had sent the Ferengi crew of the U.S.S. Grand Nagus Zek into a situation that must be certain death because they thought we were expendable. It wasn’t as if they gave us a “Ship of the line” was it? No. They gave us a constitution class star ship they dragged out of mothballs. Well if it was good enough for James T. Kirk it’s good enough for us. Damn the quantum torpedoes – full impulse speed ahead!
It seems that James T. Kirk didn’t do a good enough job killing the Dooms Day Machine…perhaps he never really killed it in the first place? Maybe he made the whole thing up, hoping no one would ever catch on! Well never send a washed up admiral to do the job of a Ferengi. Having saved the universe once again, one overwhelming thought occurred to us – we have GOT to get a Ferengi communications officer.