*sound of telephone ringing, which is eventually answered after 48 rings*
Julie: Hi I have a problem with my…
Voice on Telephone (interrupting): This is the subscription office of the Daily Journal (pause)
Julie: That’s great. You people are just who I need to talk to. I have a problem with my…
Voice on Telephone: (interrupting): Our offices are closed during at the moment. Please call back during normal business hours which are May 29 from 1:00 pm until 1:01 pm, June 30 from 2:00 pm until 2:03 pm and all day on Febrary 29th.
Julie: Oh crap.
Voice on Telephone: If you’d like to speak to a computer instead of a live person, please press 0…
Julie: (impatiently presses zero several times)
Voice on Telephone: …followed by the pound sign. Press zero twice to hang up….goodbye.
(Julie angrily redials the same telephone number. After 15 busy signals, 8 disconnects and 57 rings the telephone is answered again)
Voice on Telephone: This is the subscription office of the daily journal….
Julie: (interrupting) ya, ya – get to it already.
Voice on telephone: …followed by the pound sign.
(Julie carefully presses zero and then the pound sign)
Voice on Telephone: Welcome to Daily Journal subscriptions services. If you are having problems with your newspaper delivery, please press 1. If you would like to speak to someone about payment of your account or to cancel your account, please press 2. If you would like to speak to a live operator please press 3 now.
(Julie carefully presses 3)
Voice on Telephone: Hi and welcome to the Daily Journal subscription services department. Our office is closed right now. Please call back during normal business ours. Goodbye.
Julie: (slamming telephone receiver) YOU SON OF A ….I’M GONNA….
(silence followed by the telephone being dialed again. 283 rings later the telephone is answered).
Voice on Telephone: Our offices are closed during at the moment. Please call back during normal business hours which are….
Julie: Yada, yada, yada…come on get on with it.
Voice on Telephone: …followed by the pound sign.
Julie: (carefully presses the zero followed by the pound sign)
Voice on Telephone: … If you are having problems with your newspaper delivery, please press 1. If you would like to speak to someone about payment of your account or to cancel your account, please press 2.
Julie: (carefully presses 1)
Voice on Telephone: If you are not receiving your newspaper please press 1 now. If you have any other complaint about you newspaper service please press 2 now.
Julie: (carefully presses 1)
Voice on telephone: I’m sorry our offices are closed at the moment. Please call back during normal business ours. Goodbye.
Julie: YOU MOTHER GRABBING SON OF A…I’M GONNA FIND YOU REACH DOWN YOUR THROAT, GRAB YOUR ASS AND TURN YOU INSIDE OUT.
(The noise of a telephone being slammed repeatedly is heard.)
Julie: Oh crap.
(An hour later, after a visit to the local wireless store, Julie returns with a new telephone. She dials the telephone. After waiting to hear it start ringing she goes to have a cup of coffee and returns half an hour later to find the telephone still ringing.)
Julie: Crap
(Julie redials the telephone. It is answered on the 40th ring)
Voice on telephone: This is the subscription office of the Daily Journal…
Julie: (presses zero followed by the pound sign)
Voice on telephone: … If you are having problems with your newspaper delivery, please press 1.
Julie: (dials 1)
Voice on telephone: …If you have any other complaint about you newspaper service please press 2 now.
Julie: (dialing 2) Have I EVER got another complaint.
Voice on telephone: If you are not receiving your newspaper and are hopping mad about it please press 1 now. If you are receiving your newspaper but feel the quality of our movie reviews could easily be increased by a staff of a thousand monkeys randomly pounding on keyboards press 2 now. If you are unhappy with your subscription and would like to change it to $42.99 for three papers a week on months with 5 Sundays or $35.88 for four papers a week on leap years on months with five Sundays, or $26.99 for five papers a week on alternate weeks in leap years with a republican administration please press 3 now. If you would like to tell us to kiss your ass please press 4 now. If you would like to tell us to go to hell and make us like it please press 5 now. If you would like to kick our ass so hard that we can fart through our ears please press 6 now. If you would like to beat us senseless with a large wet mackerel until we beg for mercy please press 7 now.
Julie: (dialing) 7777777777777777777777777777777
p.s. We never did get the newspaper
You having issues with the Daily Herald I take it? (or is it really the Daily Journal?) Your entire situation above sounds EXACTLY like what I went through with the Daily Herald, and I feel no shame in venting out loud about it after all of that.
My problem was not just that I wasn’t getting the paper, but they kept charging me, too. Then when I told them I refused to pay for a product I was not receiving, they charged me late charges and turned it over to a collection agency. I LUCKILY finally got a competent CS Rep who took care of the situation. I never did get a refund for my initial payment though. All of this took a little over 10 months…I’ll stick with the Sun Times.
YOU GOT IT! THAT’S THE ONE! The names were changed to protect the guilty! What Sr. Julie didn’t add, is that we wound up paying them $66 for subscription fees, only to have them say the money was for PAST DUE subscriptions! So, even though we just paid $66 we didn’t get even ONE more paper!!!! What a load of B.S.
Sr. Fran
Take them to court.
Write to them explaining the situation and ask for a full refund within 14 days. If they don’t start court proceedings, this time asking for your $66 plus costs.
You are very unlikely to have to actually go to court (and if you do, it’s happened twice for me, it’s a brilliant day out! You start the day feeling really nervous, then you just state plainly what happened providing receipts, then you watch the opposition get flustered or blustery and the adjudicator slam them back down to earth then you win and have to fight quite hard to keep from openly gloating and cheering).
I have no idea how much American small claim court fees are, over here in the UK they’re about 10% of the claim or a minimum of about £50. And you certainly get £50 worth of fun, not that you don’t get your money back anyway.
A dirty little secret of user interface design is that users don’t read the screen, they scan and pick the first link that sounds good. It seems like the same applies to automated call transferring machines. In this case, the crucial information in the third sentence was ignored because the other options sounded better.
[...] It is ironic that these sorts of troubles keep arising with local papers (See our earlier article Dial F For Frustration) just as news comes across our electronic desk that the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) here in the [...]